The Power of Character: Rethinking Praise for Children’s Success

Toxic-parenting researcher Jennifer Breheny Wallace reveals the importance of focusing on character traits rather than achievements when praising children.

In a world driven by achievement and success, parents often find themselves praising their children for their accomplishments. However, toxic-parenting researcher Jennifer Breheny Wallace suggests that a shift in perspective is needed. In her book, “Never Enough: When Achievement Pressure Becomes Toxic — and What We Can Do About It,” Wallace emphasizes the significance of acknowledging and nurturing character traits in children rather than solely focusing on their achievements. Drawing on interviews with child psychologists and a survey of 6,500 parents, Wallace presents compelling evidence that highlights the benefits of recognizing and fostering positive attributes in children.

The Power of Acknowledgment

Wallace’s research reveals that praising children for their character traits, such as honesty and creativity, can have a profound impact on their emotional well-being and personal growth. By recognizing and acknowledging these qualities, parents can help children develop into confident and successful individuals. According to Wallace, this approach allows children to feel valued for who they are, rather than solely for their external achievements.

Building Emotional Resilience

Wallace’s findings suggest that children who are praised for their character traits tend to exhibit greater emotional resilience. By focusing on their inherent strengths, children are encouraged to develop a sense of self-worth that is not solely dependent on external validation. This, in turn, equips them with the tools to navigate challenges and setbacks with confidence and determination.

Shifting the Focus

Wallace’s research challenges the prevailing notion that success is solely defined by achievements. By shifting the focus from external accomplishments to internal qualities, parents can help their children cultivate a healthy sense of self. This approach not only fosters emotional well-being but also encourages children to explore their own unique talents and interests, ultimately leading to a more fulfilling and purposeful life.

The Role of Parents

As parents play a crucial role in shaping their children’s self-perception, Wallace emphasizes the importance of being mindful of the language and praise used. Instead of solely praising achievements, parents should focus on specific character traits that contribute to success. By doing so, parents can instill a sense of self-worth that is not contingent upon external validation, empowering children to embrace their individuality and pursue their passions.

The Expert Perspective

Richard Weissbourd, a child psychologist at the Harvard Graduate School of Education, collaborated with Wallace on her research. According to Weissbourd, children become stronger and more mature not through constant praise but through being truly known and valued. By recognizing and nurturing their inherent qualities, parents can create an environment that fosters emotional growth and personal development.

Conclusion:

In a society that often places excessive emphasis on achievements, toxic-parenting researcher Jennifer Breheny Wallace offers a refreshing perspective on raising confident and successful children. By shifting the focus from external accomplishments to internal character traits, parents can cultivate emotional resilience and a healthy sense of self-worth in their children. This approach not only empowers children to embrace their individuality but also equips them with the tools to navigate life’s challenges with confidence and purpose. As parents, it is crucial to recognize and nurture the inherent qualities that make our children unique, allowing them to thrive and flourish in their own authentic way.


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